Here are a few words from the venerable Jim Smith about his ride home from a TR3OC Rally last year, hope you enjoy Jim’s story.
HOW many of you Threetards have thought that: A successful Motor cycle ride is A. The profit of Discovery, and B. The realisation that any given ride can possess – lets call it a profidious [treacherous] nature which can and will trap the unwary or the un-prepared. At 11.30 on Sunday 10th September’ it was time to reluctantly vacate the luxurious Dalesman caravan, Lakeland Experience H.Q, for the last 48 hours, but before handing in the keys for another year, i decided at the very last minute, to clean my spectacles with hand sanitizer gel. It didn’t seem such a bad idea… Hold that thought though, cause it’s important – seriously important.
The return journey plan was oh so simple, fill up the T150 R with Esso E5 at near -by Homerook Services then reverse the inbound run .What could possibly go wrong ? It was reasonably bright and sunny but worryingly, I’d already clocked a bank of dark clouds moving rapidly in a North Easterly direction. Clever Jim’s on-the-spot Meteorological assessment suggested I could out-run this not too distant threat, but also the 85% precept, that a Yellow Grade Thunder & Lightning storm was going to cause trouble for travellers later on in the day. The Trident seemed to be in complete agreement with my initial strategy singing along happily at 60 MPH. We had got as far as Carlisle- roughly half way and were congratulating ourselves, when the first few drops of what Moto G.P. commentators refer to as “Mental Impact Raindrops “appeared on my visor, which has never ever been compromised, as I headed on a Compass bearing of due East’ on the A69 trans- Pennine trunk road, weather conditions were getting increasingly hostile.
The bright Orange windsocks at Carlisle Airport- the only discernible colour to be seen in the ever gathering darkness ,were being beaten into submission. At 14:00hours local time it was suddenly like riding in the middle of the night. Approaching Spadeadam, on the Cumberland\Northumberland Border, a brilliant white streak of lightning crashed into the wild and remote open Moorland just ahead of me. Meanwhile, I’m the only one moving other traffic having pulled up-unable to cope with the unequal struggle , and with wipers presumably unable or unwilling to provide enough meaningful support. My flee & Fight philosophy meant that stopping to put on a hi-vis water-proof jacket, over trousers,& winter grade gloves, would have cost me dearly in lost travel time. I was convinced, that I could punch straight thru and exit the other side of the Storm in a couple of hours time, the reality of the situation- measured [incorrectly] against quality rides through the same Tynedale Valley didn’t factor in important features such as having to ride with my visor fully up, it had seemingly been mysteriously contaminated and rendered inoperative, my spectacles too, had adopted an endless, stubborn opacity which reduced forward vision to an alarming max. of perhaps, 15%. Sideways observation only slightly better. A truly dire situation , was aided and abetted by my trusty Dainese Roadstar boots -which were now filling up nicely thank you, with a surreal weir effect ever present when changing gear and braking, proving to be an equally unpleasant distraction.
The Trident had stepped out of alignment twice so far, with a corresponding revised Death grip on the Handlebars being the Automatic response you and I both know, that this makes perilous situations a damn site worse, by introducing and transferring nervous tension through to your Pride and Joy. With my sense of wellbeing diluted to a dangerously low level, I had time to reflect. In a crisis; adopting the mindset of a crazy fool is self deprecating at best. Its essential to follow the well known cliché Keep calm & carry on .
So then; how exactly, was I supposed to cope with what I thought was THE most challenging conditions I had ever encountered, when the notorious Styford roundabout was next up on the Itinerary with, ominously, 13 miles to go. The slippery road signs always provide a warning here. The roadside Detriteous is testimony to numerous overturned Trucks, the battered & bruised Armco barriers stand witness to a multitude of crashes too. Naturally; it just had to be here of all places, to encounter the worst of the Storm & THE most Life Threatening situation of my entire Life !!! There were two cars drowned in standing water on the edge of the roundabout. Directly in front of what I had perceived to be my chosen path, some People were wading knee deep to safety, they were shouting and waving frantically as I approached but I could not understand why. In no more than a heartbeat later , a Truck came into the floodwater very close to my immediate right, the huge bow wave created went over me instantly soaking me to the skin, and, reduced the Trident down to a stuttering, single cylinder reminiscent of a badly out-of-tune Tiger Cub! However; the T150,s CAPACITY FOR MIS-ADVENTURE although weak, was still enough to somehow , pull us clear of the Zone of Attrition and to relative safety! Within a mile or so, cylinders 2 and finally 3 were a welcome addition to some kind of progress.
In that moment of High Drama, I can confirm that my Life did not flash before my eyes, but some kind of Diesel\Petro\Chemical mixture certainly did. Everything in a crisis situation, slows down to a frame-by- frame snap-shot, which dramatically, gives the [un] fortunate victim time to respond. It is alleged, that Adrenalin the well known Nervous system stimulant, available at Accident & Emergency Centres everywhere is responsible for this, but you can produce your very own on demand by simply putting yourself in Danger. However; you are strongly recommended not to try this out for yourself!
From somewhere up ahead I could just make out two other Bikers’, which in a moment of thought and clarity, I decided to use as a guide-a beacon of hope. The two ghost riders on his-n-hers matching Bonneville’s, were baulked by a line of stationary cars and I drew up level them. In that moment of calm, there was a silent exchange of understanding between us. The Bloke was grinning, the Girl looked vacant possibly traumatised, and no wonder! Would she ever want to ride a Motor-cycle again after this caper??
The Triumph promotional Videos on U-Tube feature and embrace the truly Wonderful, Good looking People constantly smiling at each other, sun shining brightly, the Landscape inviting, every element of living Life to the Full is featured, the strap line is always the same, headed up as Triumph – For The Ride. Where are the High Value People that are never featured enjoying for instance, the super cool experience of a fun-filled, rain soaked Life threatening Ride?
Do you detect a degree of cynicism here…..well yeah, of course you do.
The final test of my Motor cycling set-skills arrived after 5 miles of 2nd gear angst, when only a quarter of a mile from Home, the underpass into the estate was flooded to a depth of about half a metre, the nett result of 1 months rainfall condensed into approx. 4 hours on a Summers afternoon. Rushing through was thought of and dismissed in a nanosecond-in favour of a couple of alternatives which were presented to me as a reward for my prowess in overcoming everything that this, the most extraordinary ride that I had ever experienced in more than 58 years. All my Guardian Angels must have been working overtime trying their very best to keep me & the Trident safe from harm. I have always known of my propensity for making incorrect or foolhardy decisions, often with spectacular results. Had this gig ended in Tragedy at Styford, (its an Absolute miracle that it didn’t) then its extremely unlikely that a Coroners Court would have recorded Mis- adventure; OR would have discovered, that the reason for my seriously depleted wet weather vision was the emulsifying effect of the sanitising hand gel on my spectacles. It took hours to clean off and disperse the residual coating. Meanwhile, my Akito two piece leather suit, Dainese boots, gloves, and soaked Shoei Neotec helmet, are still two weeks further on, nowhere near dry. The visor clarity breakdown, remains an issue too.
There are of course, valuable lessons to be learnt from all this , but do you know and more importantly, do you recognise what they are??? As Forest Gump would readily confirm though, Stupid is as Stupid Does. But Hey! you all go carefully out there now, wont yer……
Jim Smith